For a long time in my life I had felt a split between feeling confident on many levels, having a reasonable degree of success but yet feeling there was something holding me back or blocking my true potential. Family Constellations Therapy introduced me to the idea that maybe what I felt was not just my personal experience based on my life, but that the family I grew up in and the experiences of my parents and previous generations might have a bearing on this.
Healing the relationship with parents: I learned that to fully access my potential, I needed to accept what was rightfully mine by birthright. This meant identifying and clearing the obstacles between me and the loving relationship with both of my parents.
There is a part in ourselves, a wounded child, that may have felt ignored, neglected, abused, smothered, abandoned and in various other ways that our needs were not met. Out of this hurt, we may have wanted to self protect by rejecting our parents. The healing process can begin when, in spite of the wounds, our desire to heal is strong enough to overcome and heal our hurt. As part of this we become open to seeing our parents through a different, more compassionate, wider gaze. At the same time, we ourselves can become the inner parent for that part of ourselves, we can be the adult that lovingly nurtures and takes care of our inner child and his/her needs.
Family Constellations facilitates going into another realm, the realm of the phenomenological, the realm of soul. It allows us to become aware of the subconscious dynamics that we are not able to perceive in everyday life. Oftentimes there is a deep longing for the parent’s love or approval, or a desire to help them and take on their burdens, or even repeat their destiny that keeps us trapped in an unfulfilling pattern.
Some of the consequences of rejecting our parents:
Not being able to be satisfied with our life
Feeling unsupported and alone
Constantly seeking for something on the outside
Depression and dysthymia
Lack of self-esteem, feeling unworthy, inability to love ourselves just as we are
Missing the strength to navigate the difficulties that come our way
Inability to manifest our projects
Feeling of emptiness, an existential void within
Addictive behaviours
Unfulfilling relationships (subconsciously seeking that the partner gives us what we did not receive from the parents)
Feeling disconnected from life, from others
Feeling unsafe
Difficulty in trusting (life, others)
Inability to create long-lasting, nurturing, connected bonds with others
Family Constellations sessions help open up and understand the unconscious dynamics affecting us, both positively and negatively. It gives us a way forward, a path towards acceptance and greater fulfillment.
