For a long time in my life I had felt a split between feeling confident on many levels,
having a reasonable degree of success but yet feeling there was something holding
me back or blocking my true potential. Family Constellations Therapy introduced me
to the idea that maybe what I felt was not just my personal experience based on my
life, but that the family I grew up in and the experiences of my parents and previous
generations might have a bearing on this.
Healing the relationship with parents:
I learned that to fully access my potential, I needed to accept what was rightfully mine by birthright. This meant identifying and clearing the obstacles between me and the loving relationship with both of my
parents.
There is a part in ourselves, a wounded child, that may have felt ignored, neglected,
abused, smothered, abandoned and in various other ways that our needs were not
met. Out of this hurt, we may have wanted to self protect by rejecting our parents.
The healing process can begin when, in spite of the wounds, our desire to heal is
strong enough to overcome and heal our hurt. As part of this we become open to
seeing our parents through a different, more compassionate, wider gaze. At the
same time, we ourselves can become the inner parent for that part of ourselves, we
can be the adult that lovingly nurtures and takes care of our inner child and his/her
needs.
Family Constellations facilitates going into another realm, the realm of the
phenomenological, the realm of soul. It allows us to become aware of the
subconscious dynamics that we are not able to perceive in everyday life. Oftentimes
there is a deep longing for the parent’s love or approval, or a desire to help them and
take on their burdens, or even repeat their destiny that keeps us trapped in an
unfulfilling pattern.
Some of the consequences of rejecting our parents:
- Not being able to be satisfied with our life
- Feeling unsupported and alone
- Constantly seeking for something on the outside
- Depression and dysthymia
- Lack of self-esteem, feeling unworthy, inability to love ourselves just as we are
- Missing the strength to navigate the difficulties that come our way
- Inability to manifest our projects
- Feeling of emptiness, an existential void within
- Addictive behaviours
- Unfulfilling relationships (subconsciously seeking that the partner gives us
- what we did not receive from the parents)
- Feeling disconnected from life, from others
- Feeling unsafe
- Difficulty in trusting (life, others)
- Inability to create long-lasting, nurturing, connected bonds with others
